Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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