I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
