Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When are your genitals available?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
