I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
