I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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