my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
