Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize