In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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