so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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