Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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