Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
