Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
