Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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