I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
