After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
