I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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