that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There r osticjed everywhere
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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