I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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