I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
