My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
