Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
