I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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