I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
