I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
