I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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