So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
