plz talk dirty to me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
