Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
