Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
