Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
