so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did i walk over a car last night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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