how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
