Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
