i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
