When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
