I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
