She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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