Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
