i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize