I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
