I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
