wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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