don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize