He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
