And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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