I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
