now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
