Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
