Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
