It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
