just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
