Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize