Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
