Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
