the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
