She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
