After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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