Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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