i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize