Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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