I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
