um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
