We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
