and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
