can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
