Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
